America's Got Talent and Won't Give It Back

Apparently, America's got some sort of talent as well. Well, that's what they claim in the title of ITV2's latest import America's Got Talent (Friday, 8.30pm).

Much like it's British counterpart, people who believe they have a great talent go on stage in front of an audience and three judges. They then display the talent. The format couldn't be more simple. There are similarities between the two versions of the show as well; the three-X-and-you're-out rule, the mix of good talent and bad talent and the appearance of Piers Morgan. However, there are a lot of differences.

The prize is slightly altered. In Britain, the winner of the show got a nice £10,000 cash prize, as well as their talent being displayed on the Royal Variety Show; humble, but very British. In America, the prize fund has been increased to an astonishing One Million Dollars. Where do they get this kind of money from? In Britain, the contestants get to sit in a lovely waiting room, eagerly anticipating their name be called by either Ant or Dec. Or that Stephen bloke who used to to magic on CITV. In America, all the acts get to sit in with the audience, and their names are called out by Regis Philbin in a style ever so similar to The Price is Right. This way, they get to do a lot of cheering, hollering and gun-shooting. And at one point, threatening the judges with knives. It was that good of a show.

The judges were an odd mix. From right to left, we have journalist Piers Morgan, singer Brandy Norwood (who you'll probably remember from I Still Know What You Did Last Summer No? Me neither) and David Hasselhoff. After each round, the judging would fall into exactly the same structure of judging every single time. Piers would say that the act isn't good enough, Brandy would disagree and click her fingers, Hasselhoff would look around being confused and wondering what show he was on, and then the judges would all say "No" or "Yes". Except Brandy. She always said yes. When she didn't like an act, she'd convince Piers and David to say No, so then her vote wouldn't matter. What's wrong with the woman? Can't she say the word "No"? What a slut.

The American audience also seems slightly... deranged. They're a big fan of the standing ovation. They stood and cheered for a knife juggler. They stood and cheered for a magic act. They stood and they cheered as a 65-year old took his clothes off. What is wrong with the citizens of America?

Thanks to ITV2's brilliant ability to get American imports as fast as possible, I already know who the winner is. Mainly beause the show aired last year. It's this girl. When that site was given to me, I misread it and thought the winning act was "Brian Aryan". Despite it being brilliant that me thinking America let a white supremacist win a high-rating talent show, it was sadly not to be.