What's On This Week - 2nd to 8th July

After a week in which many of the must-watch or even just slightly interesting shows of mine ended; the finishing on a rubbish note Doctor Who, the surprisingly excellent Talk To Me and the not that interesting yet still oddly unmissable Seven Ages Of Rock all coming to mind, the next week of TV brings a mix of some interesting, if not essential, shows, yet another massive concert that will destroy more of the environment than it’ll save, and most importantly, the return of a simply superb comedy. Time to grab the Radio Times and see what is worth watching this week.

Wimbledon continues to take a huge bite out of the BBC for the second, and luckily final week ending on Sunday and being annoying until then. Big Brother does the same for Channel 4 and E4 but unfortunately does not terminate on the same day, unless it’s dire ratings become even worse. The Saving Planet Earth series takes a smaller bite with it’s half hour shows every day till Friday, in which a celebrity of some kind makes some noise about an endangered animal; coupled with a marathon live show which lasts pretty much all evening on Friday (think Children In Need without Terry Wogan getting paid) hosted by Alan Titchmarsh and Graham Norton (the new Ant ‘n’ Dec) where they’ll be presenting music from such animal activists as Natasha Bedingfield and Avril Lavigne. Let’s hope Avril’s singing will distract at least one hunter enough so a tiger can avoid being skinned or mounted and go on to live a happy life killing deer, cause that’s the only way I can think that Miss Lavigne constantly singing “Hey” and “You” as well as a bit of “I don’t like your girlfriend” will help the environment, but what do I know, Keane will be personally stopping the polar ice caps from melting on Saturday.

Monday brings nothing of interest unless you like repeats. Eastenders looks to have a powerhouse of an episode in which “Peggy lays on a spread to entice punters through the door at the grand re-opening of the Queen Vic”. If this was Carry On Barbara Windsor then that storyline would be ripe for some innuendo-filled shenanigans, but as it is, Eastenders Barbara Windsor is probably just doing some food, in which case the episode is probably gonna be a bore-fest. Shrink Wrap on Channel 4 continues the theory that you can’t just have a normal talk-show anymore, this one has Pamela Connolly (nee Stephenson) put her Psychology degree to use and front a show that plans to get deep into the mind of their guest… Sharon Osbourne. Coupled with 24 Hours with…, me thinks chat shows are getting too deep now, I just wanna hear Peter Kay tell a funny story and something about his past, not whether the psychological pains of growing up in Bolton mentally scarred him for life. On the digitals, we’ve got a new episode of the terrible Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor and a new series of Britain’s Next Top Model on Living, if you want to look at some marginally attractive skinny women.

The One To Watch: Crimewatch – Purely cause you might win some money if your mate flashes up on the screen robbing a house.

The only thing that really matters on Tuesday is the return of The Thick Of It, an absolutely brilliant comedy on BBC Four, back for a one hour special. I’m not gonna say much, just watch it. There’s literally nothing else of interest on. Lenny’s Britain is alright but is on at 9, so clashes with The Thick Of It, but it’s worth a record I suppose, he’s not as funny as he used to be. Two new Family Guy episodes show up on BBC Three if you haven’t downloaded them already. A documentary on Jack The Ripper gets an extremely odd presenter in the form of Vic Reeves on Sky One whilst BBC 2 hosts Paris, a documentary about the city, not the whore.

The One To Watch: The Thick Of It – Not only cause it’s brilliant, but there’s also nothing else on.

BBC 2 continues it’s rush to get Rome over and done with before the ratings slide too much, with this Wednesday being 3 weeks since it started and already halfway through. Shame really, it’s actually pretty good. BBC One has both The Real Cherie Blair (we’re all dying to know the real gurning witch with shit hair, aren’t we?) and also the final Imagine…, which details was Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett of Gorillaz fame did next. It involves China, opera, and the classic TV show Monkey. BBC Three shows Tomb Raider for the second time this week for some reason. E4 has Runaway and Living has Boston Legal, two American imports I’ve planned to give time to but never have, so are going to be my nights watching.

The One To Watch: Marcus Brigstoke’s Trophy People – Cause he’s usually pretty funny… even with Trevor McDonald.

Something big happens on Eastenders on Thursday, hopefully without a spread. I don’t know exactly what, I stopped caring a quarter of the way through the synopsis, but it got to be one of Today’s Choices in the Radio Times so it must be big. Straight after is The Big Day, which I’m only watching because my mum is in it, and I’ll be killed If I miss it. Holiday Showdown Extreme sounds fun to me because it conjures up a mental image of a family from Stoke running down a sunny beach in Majorca wielding Samurai swords, but the actual show will probably be a lot more sedate. Elsewhere, Scrubs will be nice if it hasn’t been on your hard drive for months, E4 really are terrible at bringing Scrubs overseas at any sort of quick speed, this episode two days shy of being 7 months late. Still, it’s a cracker, and ends even more lovey-dovey than usual for an episode of Scrubs.

The One To Watch: The Hampton Court Palace Flower Show – Seriously, can you get any more gripping than finding out how they change a garden pond into an aquatic paradise?! Yes, yes you can, on Five at the same time in fact, House is on.

Friday will mark a departure to the usual Friday night watching schedule for me; Paula Abdul is on The Friday Night Project. A horrible show, but that Paula Abdul likes a drink, especially before she does something that people will actually watch. See here for what I mean. Apart from that, there’s the usual Big Brother dominance on Channel 4 and the aforementioned Saving Planet Earth-athon on BBC One, with a Doctor Who repeat on BBC Three for those who are still confused as I am about the whole blandness of the finale. Also on the digitals is America’s got Talent, some more Glastonbury on BBC Four, and very little else.

The One to Watch: Inside… Spontaneous Human Combustion – Sky One really do know how to make the most serious of documentaries.

The second huge televised concert in a row takes over most of Saturday, with Live Earth starting at 5 and ending at 4am altogether, showing bits from around the world, along with the usual VT every 15 minutes on how to save the earth by taking out your charger from the plug socket, turning off your lights and not kicking endangered birds with a big leather boot when you see them. That takes over BBC One and 2 (also HD), Three and Four pretty much relegated to showing repeats. Channel 4 gives up without much of a fight for the ratings by showing the 100 Greatest War films, ITV puts up a bit of a fight with Harry Potter stuff, and a new series in which the public battle to become Lyric Champion 2007 or something odd like that, the kind of show that makes you want to become a TV show pitcher, if this really is the best idea the professionals can think of.

The One to Watch: Al Gore and His Ego – Not a programme, but just watch his smugness level rise every time he comes on stage at Live Earth; I predict a crown on his head made of recycled cans by 9pm, a velvet robe with energy-saving light bulbs spelling out “Al Gore Is The King Of the Earth” on his back by 10, and a throne that is pulled by actual penguins by the time of his final speech.

And to finish of the week with Sunday… nothing, absolutely nothing is worth particularly noteworthy. Repeats? Yet another episode of Rome? F1? Tour De France? Heartbeat? Anyone? Hello?