Monday, 19 January 2009

Ad Absurdum

Adverts are annoying me again. Some in particular:

I'll Wear This Wig!

[Watch this dreadful ad] Just, no. It's just so awful. First of all, even after Quote-me-Happy-gate, they've decided to invent a character to represent themselves, named him 'Happy', and made a little film about him. But while they've chosen a voice (annoying) and a personality (none), they've not chosen a face for Happy, so to avoid showing it the entire ad is shot in first-person, where the viewer is Norwich Union. That's just surreal. I presume the ad is supposed to be humorous, with the hapless comic foil for Happy (whose name is not mentioned, but I shall call 'Dopey') agreeing to wear a silly wig in the very old and very tired (or 'Sleepy') "Our Prices Are Crazy!" tack. Well, it doesn't work.

But the worst part is, I nearly couldn't find a link for this ad because I honestly heard the character's name as "Abbey" and so never knew who it was advertising. (I don't pay much attention to ads -- I feel it's the ads' job to grab me.)

Mister Muscle: Super Scientist

[Watch this dreadful ad] This advert is bad for several reasons, principally that it makes no sense. It makes no sense in terms of dialogue: why does Mr Muscle say "no, thank you"? What, for having their kitchen cleaned? It also makes no sense in terms of message: the whole point of Mr Muscle's adverts for as long as they've been going out has been that 'Mr Muscle' is a weedy guy who can still clean the tough grease because of the power of the product. When he's a muscly superhero it says nothing about the product: that guy could clean all the grease with tapwaterand a sheet of Bounty. There's no reason why he should be CG, that I can see, except that it makes it simpler to redo his video to match his localised voice... but they didn't even do that.

And a 'super scientist' is not the same thing as a 'twat in a white coat'.

Your Dress? No, My Hair!

(I don't know which particular version of this tripe is on just now, but they're all basically the same so here's the first I found.)

Who wrote this one? It has exactly no merit at all. It features Davina McCall and appears to have been filmed after she was turned into a zombie but before Andy Nyman thankfully put a lamp through her. In the ad, she talks to her mother -- who again isn't shown (although this time at least it's shot in the third person and Davina is on the phone). Whether this is because they couldn't find an actress who could pass for Davina's mother or to stop her actual mother from suing isn't clear. Personally, I think it's because they couldn't bring themselves to feature anyone who could be a 41-year-old's mother in their advert.

The dialogue is awful even by the standards of other hair-dye adverts (except perhaps the Just For Men one where some guy's kids try to get him a girlfriend using dye) and the voices are, too. I just can't see what part of this advert is supposed to get people to buy the product. Girls, does this shit work on you? If so, I'm going to try talking vacuous crap in bars (more so).

I'm sure there are more ads I hate running at the moment, but I can't think what they are just now. Oh, and while I'm here, I'm not what you might call 'impressed' with what think constitutes an embedded video. A thumbnail and a hyperlink isn't embedded media.


SupSuper said...

They even force the thumbnail to use a pointer cursor through CSS, as if links didn't do that already. (which makes your edit very deceptive)

Friz said...

I do love the Just For Men advert. I always narrate "Dad... Mum's been dead long enough. Go attract some hotties!"

PLJ said...

I have been wondering why the word 'mum' has been taken out of the hair dye ad- did her real mum complain about the bad acting and want to disassociate herself from her daughter. Why does Davina look odd, with that long face, which you never saw in Big Brother [stopped watching it years ago but caught a glimpse when it was on last year and D looked her normal chubby faced self]

And that My Happy ad-something odd going on there- why have they taken the wig part out and show the lackey getting something thrown in his manhood- maybe tranny's complained that the wig was naff and as soon as the lackey said 'I'll wear this wig' anyone with a single brain cell knows he will have to- but good old Mr Happy had not put his plan in to action so the lackey should not be wearing it yet.

P.S. Can you slag off the 'More Than' ads as they are the worst and if I was the guy doing the voice over I would demand triple pay.

I'm a swine when it come to ads and pick up on any flaw there is which is more fun than the ad itself