Bone Idol

America is enamored with American Idol. Not just this year, but every year. It is unfathomably the number-one rated show in the US, at times receiving over 36 million viewers during the '06 season. Why is this, I wonder? Why are people more interested in watching glorified karaoke than they are watching half-decent scripted television like Scrubs or Battlestar Galactica? The skewed interests of the American audience and the monstrous viewing figures that the show has received have, of course, led to television studios in the US trying to do one thing - top those numbers.

Shows are unfairly held up against American Idol's figures. If a show isn't getting the numbers that American Idol gets - if it doesn't even come close - it's already considered a failure by the network. No other network is more guilty of this than Fox, which is silly when you consider that they already have a track record of canceling successful shows for no real reason whatsoever, but even more moronic when you know that Fox airs American Idol. Ah, I get it.

Television Networks in the US, I implore you - stop using American Idol as a viewing-figure benchmark. The show is a fluke, an anomaly. Treat shows under their own merit. Stop being so bloody narrow-minded and let good television thrive.

And We Don't Need No Water

Southern California is a little hotter than usual at the moment, seeing as large areas of it are currently on fire. Interesting of note, however, is that most of the big news channels here in the US are only reporting on the areas with Money. San Diego continues to be a hot point, haha, for news reporters, but considering the large-scale evacuation of the city that makes sense. But Malibu, which is home to celebrities such as Ted Danson, Pamela Anderson, and Sting, seems to be getting an inordinate amount of news coverage despite the fact that the fires there are largely under control. We're still receiving updates on Santa Clarita, where you can find some Very Expensive Houses, but the fires there are also fairly contained now.

Of course, no updates on the smaller communities threatened by fires. In fact the last update most news programs seem to have is over two days old. Lovely.

It's not just American media, either - even the good ol' BBC has been tracking the Malibu fire using this handy map:

Meanwhile, we have friends sleeping on our living room floor who were evacuated from their mountain town who have no idea what is happening, or even if they have a home to go back to. It's all bit a stupid, really.

Ones To Watch #1: Pushing Daisies

Autumn coming always leaves me with a large sense of melancholy. It's a stark reminder that I accomplished nothing over a summer break apart from eating excessively and sitting on a sofa in front of endless TV repeats - despite having plans to have "The Best Summer Ever!" and... y'know... step outdoors. It also reminds me that the feeling of happiness that summer instills will rather quickly get progressively crapper, the days will shorten, the wind will become sharper, the rain will become more frequent and Argos & every sofa company out there will start to broadcast Christmas adverts in the middle of October.

One thing that perks me up about the autumn months however is television, namely the Fall TV line-up. Whilst not a big deal over here in Britain possibly due to the fact that we all stay in to watch TV over the summer because going outside involves battling against flood-enducing downpours; in America, the marketing big-wigs realised long ago that as Autumn, or Fall if we're being grammatically American, approaches, people come indoors of an evening and start to watch TV. Hence this is the time that just about every big show on every big network launches, hoping to win the ratings battles in time for sweeps (another explanation for another day). This means that, should you have access to American TV in any sort of way, September brings a a treasure trove of new shows along with new seasons of your old favourites. And 2007 looks to be a good year.

2007's Fall Line-up seems to focus on what I like to call... "lovely dramas". The kind that don't have big, complex plotlines that run through entire seasons ala Desperate Housewives, nor do they have the feature-film pizazz and feature-film budget of Lost or Heroes. Shows like Ally McBeal, Sex and the City, Veronica Mars and even down to shows like Monk and What about Brian all fit this mould. They're light, fluffy, make you laugh and don't particularly tax you in a way The Unit, for example, does.

Whilst I plan to go on about several different shows that have either just started this September or have come back for a new run, there is one show that shines far and beyond any new show this season and so far already rivals the TV elite in terms of quality. And that show is the incredibly hyped (and deservedly so) Pushing Daisies, which broadcasts on ABC.

If you haven't heard of this so far, let me try to explain, although it is one of those shows that sounds terrible in word but brilliant in execution. When Ned was a child, he discovered he had the ability to raise things from the dead. However he soon realised this power had a catch, should he touch that particular thing once more, they will be dead again, and dead forever. He also realised that should he make something alive again for more than a minute, nature balances it out by killing something else of similar value in proximity of him. This is shown in example when he brings his mother back to life when she suddenly dies on the kitchen floor. A minute later, in the house opposite, the father of his childhood sweetheart, Chuck, dies suddenly as a consequence. Then later on that night, when his mother kisses him goodnight, she dies once again, but permanently this time. Thus all this sets up a show that involves him becoming a pie-maker (never fully explained why, but worked so beautifully into the whole show that you won't care), helping a private investigator, and falling in love once again with his childhood sweetheart who he finally sees again after years apart... but who he can never touch since he has brought her back to life.

All this mixes in together to become what is, in both style and story, a modern fairy tale. So sweet you can't help but smile, so beautifully shot with all sorts of bright colours in just about every scene that you can't help but become immersed in their world, and so wonderfully told via a huge amount of original ideas you can't help but smile even more than you already are at each and every one of them. Superbly funny and immensely clever, it proceeds at such a quick, bouncy rate that it never stops to make sure everyone watching understands what's going on, and it just doesn't care when it creates a plot point that has everyone watching saying "WTF!?" in unison. For example, in the second episode, the plot revolves around a company that is making a car fulled by dandelions. Just once is it mentioned that this is not a particularly normal thing to do, and it's this kind of moment that helps you realise that this is a fantasy land where the good guy always wins and people always fall in love. The kind of show that will happily dedicate 2 minutes of it's time to a version of 'Hopelessly Devoted To You' just because it's funny and just absolutely lovely to have in there. It's the kind of show so good you wish that some British TV channel would take the risk and try something like this instead of putting out the safe, stale drivel that is Heartbeat, Casualty, The Bill and all those others. Does British TV really have to stick to dramas that can be described in one short sentence and starts with "Drama set in a..."? But that's another rant for another time.

But back to Pushing Daisies, and one notable mention besides the brilliant and unnamed narrator, has to go to the cast. Built up of relative unknowns, they are superb and are a good chunk of why the show is as good as it is. The only two who are even slightly recognisable are ex-Brookside lesbian turned proper American actress Anna Friel (who plays the slightly eccentric and delightfully cheery Chuck) and Chi McBride (who plays grumpy, dry-witted but ultimately nice Emmerson Cod), who fans of House M.D. will remember appeared in a couple of episodes of season one as the grumpy owner. Everyone, even the dog, plays their part superbly to the point where I'm already starting to think that no-one else could play these roles half as well as they could.

There are bad points however. There are a whole lot of moments when you'll tut and think "well isn't that handy?" when one of them suddenly has something to hand or can miraculously do something that saves the day. Also, for a story full of murder mysteries, so far none of them have been solvable by the audience, a very-very limited "Whodunnit?" situation in each episode, mainly because the killer or the motive is suddenly explained out of the blue by the narrator.

But you know what? I don't care about any of these gripes. This is the perfect show to sit down and just watch for an hour, knowing you'll be thoroughly entertained. And best of all, it's been picked up for British broadcast! Finally, ITV 1 will have something worth watching when Pushing Daisies starts in January. Yes, I know it's pointless me telling you about it now since it's so far away and yes, I shall rant and rave more about this show nearer the time, but I advise you mark your calendars now, this is well worth a watch.

"BEEN FEELING TIRED IN THE NIGHT? THEN YOU ARE DEFINITELY ILL!"

Being on holiday in America; naturally, rather than actually do stuff, I've been taking in the splendor of American TV. What's incredible about American TV is not the programmes - but the adverts. I'm not saying they're brilliant themselves (although, Bud... Weis... Er? Classic!), but what they can get away both frightens and pleases me. Their medical adverts are the scariest of the lot, pretty much both telling you that you're ill and what you NEED to do about it. Luckily, what you DEFINITELY HAVE is easily cured by their medicine, and with only a 30 second list of side effects! Who cares if your anus is now bleeding continuosly; at least that rash on the back of your leg has gone! For example, in the first 24 hours of watching TV in my hotel room I'd convinced myself I DEFINITELY HAD... cramps of 3 kinds, erectile dysfunction, the menopause, insomnia, boils on my hands, 8 diseases that ended in 'ia', trouble staying awake and a child with ADHD. Hell, I don't even have a child let alone one with ADHD, but when he pops out, he's getting it, and I'm gonna make my non-existant health insurance pay through the nose to treat it, the nice voiceover lady told me to after all, she said everything would be OK, all the while lots of happy children ran around in a park smiling at the sun, and they all wouldn't lie to me, right? They all must have had ADHD; they seemed so happy!

The worst (or, best depeding on how you see it) of the lot however, was about children with diseases that confined them to wheelchairs. A very sad thing to happen to a child, sure, but this is telly land, they know how to make it seem like the best thing in the world. What you need to do... is buy them a dog... seriously... a wheelchair-assisting dog... and they'll be the most popular kid on the block. If they have a dog (and they live in telly land), it's like they're not even in the wheelchair, or even disabled in any way! This dog you buy (on your medical insurance of course) will do everything you ever need, in the advert, he bought the kid ice cream (with cash, I presume Wonderdog can't get a current account for a credit card), played baseball and even, at one point, seemed to be washing the dishes. And like all adverts, this product needs a tagline... what's the tagline for a dog that helps the disabled in any small way it can?

"With this dog, your kid will be the coolest kid around"

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Fuck the fact it'll be helping your child out, they'll be cooler than the Fonz with a dog about.

Up! In the sky! It's Producer Man!

There are moments when I genuinely question the sanity of American television producers.

I can't say I watched a tremendous amount of television before I moved to Los Angeles. It became such that if I was sat in front of the TV for any amount of time that it was usually because I was watching Doctor Who or Torchwood. I still don't watch a lot of television here since moving out to the US, but when I do it is statistically likely that I'll be watching something of American origin.

This is not, strictly speaking, accurate. Since I arrived at Los Angeles International Airport I think I've watched more British television or television created by British people than I had in the UK the previous month. When you're sat in a house in LA, drinking tea and watching Jeeves & Wooster, you really begin to wonder if you've slipped into a parallel universe.

One of the channels that I have been keeping an eye on is the Scifi Channel. Being a huge Scifi fan, I like to keep check on what the channel is showing or what it will be showing. I recently discovered that Flash Gordon would be returning in a brand new television series, but that's not even the worst discovery I've made so far.

Upon browsing the Scifi Channel website, I discovered that they're running a Reality TV show called - you're going to love this - Who Wants To Be a Superhero? Ten people have to live as Superheroes of their own creation, wearing costumes they've made themselves, with the winning character becoming immortalised in a comic book.

Yeah. That's American television for you.

Everybody's talking at me

Earlier this week, I did something which some people might call a bit silly. I immigrated from the UK to the US, leaving just one week shy of the Doctor Who series finale. That irked me to no end, especially when you consider that if it hadn't been delayed by the bloody Eurovision Song Contest I would've seen the bloody finale three days before I flew out. Heigh ho.

I've not watched a lot of American television, but as I type this my Dad and Stepmom (who have very kindly put me up for the time being) are watching a television show called So You Think you Can Dance. It's largely a copy of American Idol, but with dancing instead of singing. There's the Obligatory British Judge, who bucks tradition by being the Friendly One. it's also hosted by Cat Deeley. What she's doing on American television I will never know, but then again she did used to co-present SMTV Live, so she's probably used to presenting shows aimed at people of that intellectual level.

it's at this point I realise that I've indirectly insulted my Dad and Stepmom. I should probably start looking for somewhere else to live.

I've been to America before, and I've watched some television. The biggest difference between American and British television is that American TV is broken up with more advertisements on a more regular basis. I wouldn't mind if the ads were vaguely intelligent, if they so much as alluded to some creative intuition on the part of the company hired to put the things together.

Imagine you're walking down a street. Now imagine that as you walk people are taking in turns to walk beside you and shout things at you. You find it difficult to focus on what they're actually trying to say, because they're so loud and the words they're saying don't necessarily make sense when placed in the order they're being used in. It's like they're trying to have a conversation with you, but without asking for any interaction whatsoever.

There don't appear to be any intelligent ads either, ads that make you laugh because they're clever, or make you smile because they're making you think. Ads over here are remarkably patronising, and are rather pointless. Despite this, you can now buy them on DVD at Best Buy. The mind boggles.